spiritual awakening healing repressed-terror

So yesterday I kinda figured out that like when I was growing up, in Heathfield, which was in Blackburn, and then also in QEGS which was in Blackburn, I was going to Christian services as well as Sikh ones. And so basically, as late as about 1994. When I was about eight years old. And uh... as we moved to Ohio in 1995, this stopped completely. Like, my parents wouldn't take me to a church of course. But more interestingly, they enrolled me in Christian schools in England. But they didn't do it in America. And I'm not sure if I liked Christianity more or I liked both equally, but there are a couple pieces of evidence that help me figure that out. Christianity was taught to me in English, by a whole hell of alot of people. So I kinda got the gist. In fact I don't think that I had any questions about the religion. On the other hand, even today there are things I still feel compelled to discuss when it comes to Sikhism.

Now, I watched a documentary, about two Quakers. And basically, they were both starting to question the way of life. Because the Bibles that they were reading were in German. And they weren't allowed to go to school after they were 14 years old. And they weren't allowed to read their Bibles outside of their home. And they weren't alloweed to discuss their Bibles with people outside of their family. So two of these guys started meeting each other and discussing the Bible. Both of them got excommunicated from the Quaker church. And that meant that basically they were shunned. Which means that they couldn't be talked to, and they couldn't visit each other. And it just kindof reminds me about one simple thing. That basically you can't combine culture and religion. The deacon for the Quaker church were telling people how to dress. And these two radical Quakers, they decided that that wasn't part of the Bible.

Now this is pretty much identical to like... what I've seen with Sikhism. That because we're kindof a culture within a culture... there's it's own language. There's it's own... um... set of celebrations, clothes, and rules basically covering every part of life. A Sikh who decides to look at what Nanak says is kindof in a way, excommunicated from the community. Now the Sikh community does provide benefits. They can offer jobs or advice or help. But they kindof cut that help off if you get excommunicated. And shunned. And that's exactly what happened to the Quakers in the documentary. But the point is I was never completely Sikh. Because being completely Sikh is being nothing else. But I was going to churches the same time I was going to temples.

"so its like you were given to religions to check out at a young age"

exactly. But I don't think that that was a good idea. Because after 1995, one of those was taken away from me. And I just remember kindof crying 'cause my mom couldn't answer what would happen when I die.

"how old were you?"

well... if you do the math. it was probably 1995 or 1996. so probably about 9 or 10. but like that was the start of my almost terror when it comes to death. it didn't happen to me before then because it didn't bother me when i had christianity and sikhism. and honestly i think the way that they did it, they raised me to be culturally a sikh, but religiously a christian. because all they really got across to me was the culture in the sikh stuff. most sikhs dont even understand their religion enough to teach it to you. so youre just sitting there left being afraid of death or whatever. but like christianity something i learned at the exact same time, that taught me the heaven thing and that pretty much you know is a relaxing idea. and to me its kinda cool that if youre ogod to people you end up getting rewarded later on in life. but thats good because being good to people already makes you feel good now.

so, it's like... 2009 now. and basically they havent kept me around christian stuff since 95. like it was christian sikhism mixed from 86 to 95. and i guess you could say part of why i hated chicago was because of the aunts. they wanted to bring me up as a strictly sikh kid. but that just kindof you know made me depressed. like i guess the point is that my parents never thought about the religious aspects of the schools. because if they had actually thought about how i was learning more about christianity than sikhism maybe they would've acted a bit different. but the truth is that they didnt really do anything about it. to me i just kinda feel like thats fine. they decided to put me in these chrsitian schools and thats where i found something that i liked. i just dont like how they took away that option later on in my childhood. 'cause you can say expose your kids to lots of stuff but why take away what they like. but thats kinda what they did.

i mean thats something that liek ive talked about alot. but its kinda come in many different forms. like the whole talking about moving me from england thing. but what was one of the most poigniant things of my time in england. definately the religion of you know the british. see like i dont really feel like im a christian convert. because i was raised with the both of them from the get go. so i mean i just feel like im both at the same time. at least i have the right to choose either one and not really worry about it. but i mean its interesting to find out that this is like something inside me. like what do you think?

"it is it's very interesting. i think it's kinda cool how like you had two different religions to learn about. but uh... i just don't really understand why your parents, they moved you, but not only that, anything you had in england, they made sure you didnt have in america. and its like alot of the things you had in england were good things."

i agree completely. but i mean its like there's not really much we can do today about the past. except kindof understand it better.

i guess the new thing to think about is how there are some repressed negative memories in my head. like thinking about the whole fact where there's this moment where i feel suicidal. thats where i guess it makes me realize how important it is. i mean enoughs enough. and if its bothering me that much its time to stop listening to my parents and do what i want to do. like unquestionably just stop listening to them. like its so far overdue to stop listening to them that its not even funny. but yesterday was a wakeup call to see how much this really was effecting me. but to me, all those thoughts went away, when i reminded myself of some of the christian things i learned when i was 8 or 9. like for me, for some reason i just feel like life's pointless without having like all my spiritual stuff. i mean if you think about it my parents have just made me do alot of stuff. like moved, schools. those were all things my parents made me do. so its time that i started moving towards the things that i know i like. spiritually, artistically, academically. its time they stopped influencing anything in my life. your life shouldn't be navigated by your mom or dad. and so im definately gonna make some changes.

What's going on in the world?

in Hollywood they're doing alot of remakes right now. That might not be the best idea. I wonder how long it'll be before people stop watching movies. You know, when they stop watching sequels. That's when we'll see more original shit. Although I have to say, subscription models work too. It's kindof the World of Warcraft style filmmaking. Keep giving them more and more of the same shit. They'll stick with it until they get bored of it. And people make millions in the meantime. But it definately reduces the stock of film in my eyes. It's terrible to do back to back films. I like reinvented universes. Rather than the same thing every time. Who wants to watch that. Why would they give a shit. It's got to be original. And original movies steadily get discovered. It seems indie is now the realm of interest. And I guess big budget means subscription. The real adventures are Indie. That's what I think anyway. Real originality and stuff. Maybe that's the current model.

this is interesting:

I agree that concerts are where an artist typically makes his/her money. But how does that apply to say movies? If you aren't buying a ticket to go to the movies, AND you aren't buying the DVD, how is the studio supposed to make money?

so basically. the deal is that when people make films, they're doing something thats a recording. the live version would be the play. thats how the studio makes money. plays. of course... that shows the limitations of the medium. but technically all of the lyrics can be spoken on stage.

"downloaders spend more on music than those who obey the law"

i can definately agree with that. you're basically being exposed to more music. like you couldn't afford that music before. and music is kindof like a form of art. in a way its the most accessible form of art out there. because you can watch people do it. but its also a show. its a performance. and thats key. but the price... thats the limiting factor for people. good things in the world shouldn't be locked behind cash. that's how it is in boston. the best parts of the city are priced out the ass. its better when things aren't controlled by money. leave things free. let things belong to the people. things that everyone who is born there will own. universal ownership. something that no amount of money can buy. that's basically how people are going to be able to do it. let things exist as a universally owned thing. let things be owned by the things that live in it. i dont think we should keep invading all these forests.

Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre Foods

This shows pretty cool though. And like, that Texas fair looked awesome. I like how positive the guy is. I think he just gets really into his cooking, and he doesn't focus on anything else. It's kindof inspiring really 'cause it shows what the best thing is to do. He studied cooking in school, and now he lives cooking. He's friendly to everybody that cooks, and he's friendly to everybody else 'cause he's doing what he likes. His example is pick something get really good at it and that'll be how you see the world. And you just enjoy life a hell of alot more that way. He's like a good example of what we should be doing, like what our approach to college should be. 'Cause like if we have the right attitude, this could be a really positive experience.

pet project: demographics

scotland
-97.99 white
-1.09 south asian
-0.19 black
-0.25 mixed
-0.32 chinese
-0.19 other

it's pretty surprising to read that scotland is 98 percent white. you would've expected it to be a bit more of an even distribution. but its also interesting to know that indians are the biggest minority group in scotland. they call them south asians in the united kingdom. but south asian is a word that is only for india. so literally one out of every hundred people in scotland is indian.

portugal
-96.87 portuguese
-3.13 legal immigants

portugal doesn't even really list the information very well. like they've only got portuguese and immigrants listed. but i keep kindof seeing a trend that all these european countries are fine. they say how their countries are getting swamped by immigrants. but if you look at the numbers its just not the case. like you see 1 percent to 4 percent of a population being indian. its just a bunch of lies and fanatacism. so that just shows the truth of these situations. the guy that we talked to yesterday seemed like he was surprised that i was bold. the point is his assumption about people like me was they were afraid. maybe he even felt they were supposed to be greatful because they got allowed to come to the country. but the thing is people are born or brought here at very young ages and are practically american. it really doesnt matter what these people think. after one generation you become american. my parents were the generation that immigrated. because i had my childhood in this country i became an adult that was a product of this country. and once youre a product of a country you have as much ownership of it as anyone else.

italy
-93.5 italian
-2.72 romanian/albanian/moroccan

italy doesnt even list indian people. it says 93 percent are italian 2.7 are romanian, albanian and moroccon and then the rest are just everybody else.

cambridge, MA
-68.10 white
-11.92 black
-0.29 native american
-11.88 asian
-0.08 pacific islander
-3.19 other
-4.56 two or more races

-(in addition to being one of the above, 7.36 claim hispanic)

cambridge is only 68 percent white. with it almost being 12 percent asian. but i don't like how they lump chinese and south asians together. we're completely different. people from south asia have nothing to do with chinese people. so it's just kinda offensive for them to try and dumb everyone down and try and say everyone's the same. i think the europeans do it way better. but its interesting to think that america has attracted way more people from that part of the world. mainly because they took the land from native americans. speaking of which there's only 0.29 native americans in cambridge. they're the descendents of the ones that used to rule the entire country. and then the 68 percent of white people they're the descendants of those who killed the native americans. see living here is almost living in acceptance of what was done to the native americans. because the vast majority of people here don't seem sympathetic to native americans. maybe its like a country out of desperation. like maybe they really desperately wanted their own country so they killed everybody to get it. and then by having such high demographic numbers from asians, its interesting because the european countries which have more relations and ties to india have less. so i guess people really did get taken by the american dream. but the whole american dream has been built on like a bloodbath. and the people who enjoy their time here are doing it because of crimes committed. like this whole country as a whole is a criminal nation. it invaded a native population and exterminated them. and anyone who comes to america today does that more or less in indifference to their past. people seem to act like the industrial revolution made all history before that useless. but this is just a disgusting country. like if i was in a position, the same one my father was in, in 1991... knowing what i know today i never would've come over here. it's just a disgusting place. sure you can make money but its basically blood money. every dollar is drenched in the blood of a thousand native americans. every brick is build on the grave of a dead indian. i dont know how america can ever live down this horrible legacy. but its definately clear that something needs to be done. americas been a player in the world because its basically gone from one thing to another. like basically americans have never had a rest. ever since they started coming over here its been one problem after another. and because of it there's alot of deep wounds in america that haven't even begun to be healed. if you ask me i think the whole things gonna self destruct one day. unless they try and like heal some of these deep wounds in america. just like vivek committed suicide with his deep problem. america could go down the same road. suicide of a country is the same thing as civil war. and i wouldn't be surprised if shit like that did happen one day. like if you look at america, they definately do rule the land like a bunch of cowboys. taking way too many risks, killing without respect, like outlaws. taking what they want, and then coming up with schemes to make themselves the richest people in the world. america has steadily had more and more dreamers like that. and that spirit of anything goes fuels that here. but still... there's a dark side to it. all the towns that're lying in ruin because nobody has jobs. because the companies were just not ever protected. these bigass companies that stretched out across the country were basically like cowboy companies. and then they die the death of an outlaw, except... just like in mafia times, the guys a criminal but he's offering you protection, if you don't accept protection he'll kick your ass, and you have to pay him a fee, so you learn to live like that, and then your fucking mafia gets killed off, and you've got nobody there to protect you. that's kinda like what happened in america with the car companies.

somerville MA
-76.97 white
-6.50 black
-0.22 native american
-6.44 asian
-0.06 pacific islander
-4.96 other races
-4.85 two or more races

-of the above, -8.76 hispanic/latino of any race

Canada
-32.2 canadian
-21.0 english
-15.8 french
-15.1 scottish
-13.9 irish
-10.2 german
-4.6 italian
-4.0 south asian
-3.9 chinese
-3.9 ukranian
-3.8 aboriginal
-3.3 dutch
-3.2 polish
-2.5 black

you know what really surprises me? in canada they have almost 4 percent of the population aboriginal. i think that beats america. and its not just asian but thats 4 percent INDIAN so thats way more than america. see if they did it by american standards then it would be chinese and south asian together which would be almost 8 percent which's almost 10 percent. and thats way more than what america has listed. see canada's a smaller country as a whole but because of the diversity on the street youll see different types of people on a regular basis. another thing i like about canada is there's only 2.5 blacks, which means that theyre not gonna dominate the news and everything in canada that isnt white. america has too much of that white black thing going on. its so much that basically asian people dress up as black kids. because they identify with that more since theyre apparently not white. that to me is kindof interesting. but canada does look a little bit more promising. lets say you add up all the south asians, blacks, aboriginals, chinese, and what do you get. i get about 15 percent. so thats still pretty fucking small. i mean... its probably an 85 percent white country. i mean its good they do the demographics in real demographics and not "white". but they definately seem to in a positive way have more ties to europe. in the sense that the people there still tend to hold on to their irish name and stuff. so thats kinda cool. but its not some sort of real equal place or anything. an equal place would be no one group overshadowing the other. i read about a place in new york where that was the case. 20 percent of every race. its in new york. its like a borough or a neighborhood.

New York City
-44.1 white (35.1 non-hispanic)
-25.2 black (23.7 non-hispanic)
-0.4 american-indians (0.2 non-hispanic)
-11.6 asian-americans (11.5 non-hispanic)
-less than 0.1 pacific islander american
-16.8 other races (1.0 non-hispanic)
-1.9 two or more races (1.0 non hispanic)

-27.4 hispanics & latinos

dude. new yorkers, they call native americans, they call them american indians. its fucking rediculous. youve got indian americans and now youve got american indians. why use the name india for these people its insulting to people who are from india. it just seems like a fucking rediculous thing for a city like new york. they just don't deserve the name India. they should call them like indigenous peoples. the europeans have a way better way of describing it.

see in new york they list whether or not people of that race are hispanic. which's interesting because in america they don't go that in depth. i'm guessing hispanic just literally means spanish-speaking and spanish-cultured. but that just shows much of an impact the spanish had on the americas. like mexico and then south america. its like the new world was divided up between spain england and france. france got canada. england got america. and france got south america. what do you think about that? but isnt that crazy how they divided up an entire part of the world with people already on it. they just used their technology to rape half of the world. they brushed aside the locals and brought their own people from across the oceans in. i mean thats absolutely insane. just because you have power does it mean you have to use to bully people around? and these people didnt bully people, they killed people. and they stole whatever they had. and then they brought their families and stuff and they started living in the stuff of these dead people. i mean that is just so brutal. fuckin bloodthirsty bastards is what these guys are. theyre just like modern day vikings with fucking cannons. coming in blasting shit up and then moving in their wife and kids. and at the end of the day its like, did they really gain anything from doing that? i mean i know when you read about britain you read about how really crowded it is. so was their solution back in the day just kill people and take land? we've got too many people so lets take half our people send 'em there and kill everybody and live there. yeah i just don't understand why death had to be involved in this whole process. and to me death is a fucking huge crime. if somebody commits murder in the united states they can get executed themselves. if not jailed for their entire life. but an entire country was basically pardoned for murder. not only were they pardoned for it they were asked to kill people by their government. well they had enough power to win so they felt their award was winning. and apparently it didnt bother them at all to get what they wanted through murder. its through violent crimes that the world has come to the place its at today. and those crimes are still waiting to be punished for. there's no justice for the dead natives. not yet. maybe in the future we'll give 'em you know 1/10th of america. but as it is the descendants of native americans who choose to live in the land that they were born in, they suffer today and nothing is done for them. they've given retardedly small pieces of land there's nothing they can do with it. they're made to feel like foreigners in their own land. like... i kindof understand it because i grew up here, but what if my ancestors grew up here too, for like 10,000 years. that's a fuckin bitter pill to swallow. trying to stand back and just realize that you have no power over this land. i mean i guess you could probably get over that. but like... being treated like youre not even as good as other people. see anytime i have any problems with someone all i need to do is think of native americans to put me in my fucking place. if they can continue to live in this country and try to continue, then i mean fuck it man its not that hard for me to do it. but those are some deep wounds that havent been healed. and im definately interested in living in a way that keeps all wounds healed.

a response to racialicious

Racialicious article: NPR sortof hates Black music.
http://www.racialicious.com/2009/10/20/npr-sort-of-hates-%e2%80%9cblack-music%e2%80%9d/#comment-2030405

in a way its nice perhaps as a so-called south-asian to not have to deal with these sorts of things. there is, after all, no concept of what brown-skinned “indian-looking” folk listen to. The only crap i could assume would be potentially, beyond Ravi Shankar, probably Bollywood movie soundtracks (which do sell well), or perhaps Bhangra (which’s regionally specific to my grandparents, all four, place of origin). Beyond that… perhaps the whole grime/hip-hop/rnb deal going on over in the UK that brit “asians” seem to be getting into.

But yeah… i think that without being raised within a Sikh and Indian-American community, I would have never been exposed to all that, not just the music itself, but the knowledge that such music was listened to within the Indian-American, and to a lesser extent Asian-American diaspora in America.

So, while in a way it’s a shame we don’t really find music that originates in India, or music written/performed/sold by Indian-Americans aka South Asians aka Brown Skinned easterners… heh. (i’d rather be called brown-skinned than indian as i have no tie to the country, and its really the skin they’re trying to classify me by, so do it outright, goddammit, heh)… while thats a shame, its nice in a way that we don’t have such misconceptions about our community.

although… perhaps you could say that what we have instead is worse… that burning hole of absolute lack of knowledge about our community by outsiders, in any way whatsoever… no education in the schools, really no exposure to the Joe Schmo besides their television and perhaps for the few vigilant detectives, net searches.
____________

Racialicious makes some comments on racist halloween costumes
http://www.racialicious.com/2009/10/21/the-racialicious-halloween-roundup/#comment-2030426

interesting. i had an… interesting halloween experience in 2003. freshman at the Ohio State University meant I was dragged out to the OU halloween party, a massive city-wide drunk-fest, where folk dress in costume and get pissed, New Orleans-Mardi Gras style ‘cept out in the Midwest. So back then I had long hair, a putka, which is akin to the turban, as a kid in a predominantly-Sikh family. Whilst I’d raised protests to the outward sign of faith that more or less was a personal lie, i was strongarmed into keeping the hair intact by my folks. (don’t worry, that didn’t last, fast forward 6 years and we’ve since reconciled over my long-since shorn hair, heh)

But back to the story, walking the streets, semi-blasted myself, with my gargantuan local friend and former Highschool classmate, and folk’d glance me, drunk themselves, and decry “Osama!” Now… more or less these guys got a bit of a break, given that it was Halloween… I was cautioned to give them some space, as my first gut instinct was to sock the guy in the face, but i was held back by said gargantuan friend… this happened a couple times in the night…

long story short, i had just gone out without a costume, none of us in our group had one, as we’d just impromptu driven to the town for the drinks, and had no idea there’d be a city-wide street-side Halloween party boozefest. All in all the crawl was pleasant, hardly anyone bothered me really, but the thing is… essentially I’d been taken for a halloween costume… my parental-encourage religious garb, sign of faith, had been reduced to a pop-culture reference of extremely offending nature… lovely.

boston #1

the musicians here just sound goofy. like they just never play it right. sing too soft. and like just too awkward. all these guys sound goofy. they don't sound as awesome as bands that you'd expect. everyone's depressed. they just dn't seem talented. they seem afraid of what they're doing too. that's probably because they live in boston. they feel like if theyre not like every other person then theyre goofy.

they try as hard as they can to make everyone feel shitty who doesn't fit into their thing. if you don't look like them, or if you choose not to surround yourself by a crowd, they just want to keep you in place. they want to make sure you never get too ambitious. there's always going to be someone to try and remind you that you're shitty. i feel worried about living here, i think it'll change how i sound. i'll lose all my energy and i'll just become soft. i have not seen a single punk band. the only remotely punk thing about one guy was his mohawk. but thats just a uniform. musically the guy didn't play punk.

the prevailing opinion of boston people seems to be to be depressed as fuck. you have to understand these guys are full of shit. it amazes me how shitty all these people are. almost whiney. and afraid. we can't live here.

talking to a madman #2

so yeah, the guys basically still on there. my own insult of the guy got taken off which i kinda wish they hadnt done. basically... yeah.

____________________-

it's a shame that my honest views get deleted off this thread. Jessy, you're asking personal questions that i have no interest in answering. Furthermore, you've totally changed the discussion from something i was interested in, to something that i'm not. You're outright attacking me, whilst i really am more or less indifferent to you, outside of the dislike of these attacks, which i could describe in great detail the level of my dislike, but apparently, these are well moderated forums, if youre a newcomer your thoughts wont stay, but you seem to be on the inside. so congratulations for that. getting away with saying such things as "half-baked" "i pity you" and accusing me of "doing ... propoganda" as well as "you guys are wasting your time and just full of air" and "you are nothing... get it." classy.

"Live with the TRUTH.. do not build FALSE WALLS.. and assume that is TRUTH.. because thats what sets WRONG and RIGHT apart.. a THEIF.. sitting in the CELL .. does not admit he did it.. he thinks. he has the right.. or that whats the harm.. Only a person who can see the WRONG. can tell him. what is RIGHT and what is WRONG..." - most of this is baloney. youre trying to give me advice as if im asking for any.

and the further nonsense, "I pity your knowledge... egoism... mundane effort... immature and half baked approach..." - apparently this is all great example for the kids who read these forums. insulting posters outright. clearly this doesn't deserve moderation. does it?

I basically read your entire post as one long personal attack. But the moderators don't seem to mind. Perhaps this post will get deleted too.

________________

"Sandeep.. if you were a Hindu or a Christian" - how does this have anything to do with what we're discussing?.
"I have no issues.. because they are not debating what you are debating.. When we did not give this right to them" - the right to discuss sikhism?
"since 400 years. why do you deserve.. on the other hand. you should NOT even try to debate this point..... this is utter HYPOCRICY..." - hypocrisy that i decide to discuss sikhism?
"You wrote "you do not see the unshorn kesh and pagh as a ritual. i do. "
Wow.. are you the new GURU" - sounds like an insult.
".. see tell me frankly if you believe in his words or not.." - why does it matter what i believe? i can discuss things regardless of belief.

"Tell me 3 things frankly.. no IFS or BUTS" - no thanks.
"- do you Agree and Believe with Gurujis words or not?" - assuming alot to think im going to bother answering.
"- do you believe in the GRANTH SAHIB from A-Z or not?" - you dont have to believe in something to discuss something.
"- Do you believe the HISTORY or not?" - are you suggesting that some of it was invented?

"if you say YES TO ALL" - bit silly hah.
". without any Reasoning then. lets talk." - in other words, youve got a list of things i need to go out and achieve for you... who made you the boss?
"else.. I think you guys are waisting TIME and just full of AIR..." - lovely, another insult.

"I am not here to change you.." - really? sure sounds like it.
"but I STOP you from doing your OWN propaganda.." - im laughing reading that. what propoganda? youre just inventing problems and whining about them.
"GURUJI's word is the FINAL.. YOURS is NOT" - actually they're dead, i'm not.

"It DOES Not matter what you think.." - lovely.
"because you are NOTHING.." - i bet you have lots of friends
"get it.. NOTHING compared to the GURUJIs..." - this is almost like deification of the guru's which is kinda defeating the purpose.

"Live with the TRUTH.." - this sounds like propoganda
"do not build FALSE WALLS.." - this doesnt even make sense
"and assume that is TRUTH.." - you sound like a televangelist.
"because thats what sets WRONG and RIGHT apart.." - you must think im really gullible.
"a THEIF.. sitting in the CELL .. does not admit he did it.." - strange analogy hah.
"he thinks. he has the right.. or that whats the harm.." - so youre comparing discussing a religion with a crime. lovely.
"Only a person who can see the WRONG. can tell him." - youre making a stretch here. its almost like you could have this scenario where people see wrong in practically anything, and essentially we're kept from doing whatever it is we want to do as the dude deems things "wrong." i'd rather live by my own views. than some strangers.
"what is RIGHT and what is WRONG..." - you act like i have no clue about morality. lovely.

"Even after reading all the words.. of GURU. you are still ADAMANT..,.. I pity you.." - lovely.

"I pity your knowledge.." - thats alot of pity.
"your EGOism.." - are you kidding me? your ego seems way bigger than mine. you after all are the one trying to passing judgement. and failing.
"your Mundae EFFORT to change DEFINITIONS..." - where exactly am i trying to do this? heh.
"your Immature and HALF BAKED approach" - lovely.
"to CUSTOMIZING religion..." - that doesnt even make good sense in english. how exactly does one "customize" a religion. it just sounds like a silly saying.
"and feel sad for you" - hah, doesn't sound that way.
"to DEFY the LAST word of GURU;s.." - you sound like living a free life is a life of defiance. thats weird.

"Read whatever you want to in between lines.." - thanks for the permission, but i do what i what regardless of what you write.
"but then thats what you will do your ENTIRE LIFE...." - are you a fortune teller now?
"and you will keep DOING IT.." - lovely.
"because.. in the future. someone is going to DEFY your though process as well...." - so how much for the palm reading? if you seriously think anyone is going to take that straight faced, youre living in fantasy.

______________________

talking to a madman

jess, youre a fool. why the hell are you writing with capitals. and why are you even fucking talking to me? i wasnt even talking to you. i actually was done with this thread until you came along and started writing your nonsense. i full right to write whatever i please. i dont give a shit about your views. the difference is i dont read yours and feel the need to blast yours. why do you read my views and feel the need to write an essay.

i keep deleting what i write, and im not sure why. maybe its just kindof to save this thread frmo your idiocy. maybe its just to try and do something better. but it seems every day you post something terrible. your views dont represent all sikhs believe me. and why are you bothering to preach the guru granth to me? do you think im not capable of reading it myself? do you feel like you're important enough to preach shit to me? what exactly makes you feel like you have the write to tell random people what to do?

the thing is you're an idiot. and i can't believe that you can call yourself a Sikh. you can quote shit all day, but you don't respect people. you don't seem to have any acceptance of people. so you are a hypocrite. you say that you're a "true sikh". i see more evidence of you being a true jerk. i can't believe that people like you exist. in our community no less. people should be able to speak freely whenever they like. and guru's werent gods. you takl about hinduism... you treat sikhism more like that religion than what it really is. these discussions are getting me to read more about the sikh faith. and regardless of what i read you are still a fool.

i dont understand how you cant afford respect to a girl half your age. im assuming youre in your 20s. if thats the case why waste your time with this chick. why bother trying to preach to her that she's an idiot. does that make you pleased? are you happy to kindof insult people? you hide behind the guru granth sahib and insult people. you think that you're smart but you're really just a fool. for all your work to try and understand the religion, you really haven't gotten your mind around some of the basic shit. you try to tell people what they're trying to say. and then you argue against your own fantasy. its kinda pitiful. youre creating enemies and then fighting with them. only your enemies only exist in your head.

you kindof mystify me. how can someone spend lots of time around the guru granth, and become as twisted as you are. if anything youre a warning to anyone who wonders what it'd be like to be a so called sikh nerd. and thats basically what you are. you relish the granth. perhaps like a LOTR nerd would do so guerillermo del toro. wake up man. noone gives a shit about what you think. we live as we want. you think youre trying to repremand me? what gives you the right to even try to judge me? you are a foul bastard. you put yourself on a pedestal. your heads in the clouds. and you probably dont have any room for the guru's in yoru life.

i saw your friends list. every single person on there's indian. are you isolating yourself from indians? your facebook says medical imager. you seem to identify with your job. maybe you think youre not allowed to do anything but look down. but dont go so far as to think thats the way everyone should go about shit. its absolutely rediculous how youre acting. people werente ven talking to you. and you decided to introduce yourself, not with a name, not a background, but instead like a rabid preacher on the street. you make me want to distance myself from the religion. religion is a personal thing. people like you are blights upon sikhism.

and this whole insulting girls thing. i dont know about you, but ive got better things to do than to get on facebook daily and bother 16 year olds. apparently you dont. maybe your job as a medical imager doesnt keep you busy. but let me guess. born in india. came over here. working now, and surrounded by indians. why? because apparently youre not allowed to talk to other people. you memorized the guru granth. its a book written by people who died a long time ago. youre a fucking fool if you believe that shit. theyre just men, just like you. to memorize their views as some sort of noble pursuit is fucking silly. you can learn from it, but why pretend its anything but fantasy.

you need to wake yourself up. and check yourself. youre bullying people on sikh forums. making people feel less welcome to talk. kindof acting sour. quoting the granth like its a machine gun. people are free to do whatever the hell they want. and they can call themselves whatever the fuck they want. you seem to think youre the crown prince. that anyone who wants to call themself a sikh has to meet your expectations. thats absolutely rediculous. if you have that much of an ego, you can't possibly be sikh. youre just a fool. a fucking religious wingnut. youre a fundamentalist, bigoted, and sick. and you need to learn that.

the guru's would never have encouraged people to act the way you do. you wakl around trying to bring people down. and basically just for your own pleasure. posting derogatory remarks on a website isnt going to change a damn thing, except that you look like a fool. youre practically like a suicide bomber. taking these life guidelines, turning them into a weapon, and trying to hurt people with them. youre whats wrong with religion. its not meant to be something people have to copy. its not meant to be something you have to sit there and memorize. that sa fucking set of facts. thats fucking grade school. thats busy work. that doesnt fucking change your fucking convictions.

good and bad are in a head, those are there from the knowledge of a man from what he's grown amongst. apparently you feel violence, is justified. you feel like your religion is being insulted. and then you feel its justified to then attack back and say that no, my religion isnt bad, its you, the accuser, thats bad. and you turn yourself into an inflictor of pain. thats no way to be. but apparently, thats exactly how you choose to be. you think its better to pull someone aside, tell them they suck, and tell them to convert, or perhaps they need to force themselves through some brainwashing sessions, until they agree with you more, and then maybe theyll be ok.

what a fucking lame ass way to deal with someone who has questions, or someone who has different points of view. youre telling people to agree with you? thats probably alot like how you handle making friends. you expect them to be indian. at least brown skinned. if they can't do that you wont accept them. you know? because youre racist. and in a larger sense, youre closed minded. you buy into these fantasies. communication can be good, if you know how to do it. but instead youre building a fantasy, and then getting upset with it. youre fighting against invisible enemies. and it makes you look clinically insane.

im guesing thats whats wrong. and the shame of it is how youre influencing these kids. youremaking them feel like youre a good example. you know why? because the rest of the community is silent. i wonder why thats the case. anyone who gets to these threads gets your nonsense thrown in their face. people should be able to just write what they want. you just write constant nonsense. it just pisses me off. but because i dont want to be a bad influence, i sanction myself. you dont seem to hold yourself back. and youre being a terrible influence. if you want to educate people, do it in a way thats kind. otherwise... just fucking stop.

now i dont know why you feel like its your job to remind people how stupid they are. and to do it over the subject of sikhism too... now there's alot of internet nerds out there. maybe i should just delete all this and type one word. troll. youre just nothing but a troll. and i guess, dont feed the troll, eh? youre full of shit. you spend more time bitching on the net than you do making white friends. or black friends. or asian friends. or hispanic friends... indian only right? i forgot how stupid you were. how afraid you were of different races. youre just full of shit. and nobody should ever listen to you.

i cant believe that you even bother wearing a turban. all that venom you spit out your mouth shows how little of a sikh you really are. trying to shout down discussion. trying to put your rules on the words spoken. youre a fool. and youre also no good. you need to either enlighten yourself, or go away. because in your current state, youre no good. youve got problems, and apparently you just can't see it. that's the problem though isn't it. you're just a fucking fool. sikhs should always be free to write what they feel is on their mind. you don't seem to thnk so. i do. and you think censorship is good. as well as feeling like the guru's are near gods. which is absolute heresy and rediculous to boot.

i even feel like you feel like you and your words deserve attention. and unfortunately, ive given you that. but the truth is, youre just a fool. there's nothing youre saying that has any value. your words are insincere, and really shouted out in anger. there's not a bit of sincerity or kindness in any o fit. and that belies the true nature of yoru words, and your work. youre out there to do as much damage as you can. and thats absolutely stupid. honestly i can't believe you feel welcome to post on these boards. you come here, in front of the sangat, and you feel perfectly fine to yell at those who don't agree with you. to me that's rediculous

remember, there's children out there that can read these. and they're reading your words, about how you're just doing us all a favor by enlightening those fools who are stupid enough to think that cutting your hair is good. is it really that simple though? only a fool would do something blindly without questioning it. do you think hippys were stupid? what about einstein? how about philosophy in general? free thinking is a skill yes, perhaps one you are terrible at, but why do you feel like free thinking within the bounds of sikh philosophy is banned? who banned it? and why did they ban it? what exactly is banned in the first place? and why the fuck should we give a shit?

you perhaps underestimate who you speak to. ive had folks die. ive had religion thrown in my face. ive been thrown all over the world. ive been treated like shit. ive been treated like a god. ive been poor. ive been rich. ive seen a shitload, and ive got a different POV than you. i was smart enough to stay away from medicine which is essentially the auto-mechanic of the body. what a fucking brilliant job you picked eh? i mean really... it's just pitiful how you can sit there and try to teach everyone about how you're the best at this sikh thing, that we should copy you. you seem to just want attention, like, "hey! look at me! im a good sikh!"

what bullshit. you're just an attention whore, and unfortunately like i said, i gave it to you. there's more important things in this life to fuck with than you. Wars are currently being fought, people are dying as we speak, and I'm sitting here wasting my time with one fucking fool whose too afraid to make friends outside his own race, too afraid to work in a profession outside of the stereotypical one, and too afraid to question a damn thing about a religion that honestly was written by people youve never fucking met. all you know about thesep eople could be blatant lies. you think youre so smart, but have you even factored that shit into it?

your whole religion is a huge fucking leap of faith. they could all have justbeen fucking invented sons of bitches. or even if the dude was around, maybe his fucking views werent quite like that. there were 10 gurus after all, and they all did different shit. like a line of kings. by the way, you realize that they kept this shit in the fucking family right? like a fucking dynasty. what the fuck does that have to do with being fucking smart about shit? its not necessarily inherited. look at you, im sure your parents must have had some intelligence about them to give you the oppertunity to be bitching on a pc over the net eh?

so the point is this. why do you fucking bother. what drives you? what makes you get up in the morning walk over to your PC and write this crap? i mean seriously. you are taking something that is TOO GOOD for you to fuck with? i mean why do you think its your job to go forth in the name of sikhism and ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE? this isnt a fucking crusade buddy. its the 21st century. we all know better. and the whole fucking sticking to people hwo look like you thing. why dont you mingle with others? whats so scarey about those evil white people? i maen are you foolish enough to think skin actually matters? dude, pigments pointless, GREY matters. if you cant fucking figure that shit out, youre fucking hopeless.

and like i said, the guru's would shake their heads and this idiocy that seems to come from yoru PC. youw rite such hateful words directed at Sikh youth, as if you don't give a shite what happens to them. All you're concerned with is your own position in the community, you have to make a show of slapping people around a bit so that people know that you're going to regulate. Or perhapsyou do it for the sheer joy of other people's suffering? No better than the Mughal rulers who fucked with the Sikhs so long ago. Sawing people in half? in the digital age, we aren't so powerful as to have weapons ready and people in sights, instead it becomes a matter of a war of words. but to think that you ever have the right to dig someones faceinto the dirt... is fucking wrong

all i can say is im sure you were bullied alot growing up. there's no other explanation for your knowledge of causing harm amongst people. youve gotten this whole religionthing down well, at least in the sense that you might be trying to exercise its potential for control. i just dont understand why you didnt pick islam instead. then you'd be able to go out and do shit like beat your wife and more or less kill people who opposed your religion and youd be praised by your peers. such seems to be your vendetta and indication of your path currently. have you no idea abou tthe sikh deal. i think youre a fool, because you profoundly misunderstand and misrepresent my faith. and that makesme angry. because i love this religion.

nanak was a fucking badass. but to think that that makes him beyond reproach is fucking stupid. its up to each and every individual to ask themselves if what this guy says matters a fuck. if not, then fuck it. why waste your life doing somethingyou dont give a shit about. but apparently this is something you give a shit about. people talking about sikhism on the internet. youre a fucking fool, and here's why: you try and control people. you try and persuade them NOT to think about Sikhism. You try and turn people away from the faith, directing them to other religions that perhaps they may better like. You are the one reducing Sikhism to a handbasket in a store window. We do not share your Point of View.

You insult us. assuming we know nothing about the religion and would jump at the chance to get out of it and join up with another one. You insult the religion, to treat it so lightly as to suggest such things, and to misrepresent its benevolent virtues so comprehensively. Youre a disgrace, to your family, and to your religion. The founders of this religion would turn in their grave, had they been buried in such a style, none the less the saying still holds true. its a disgraceful way to be, to constantly goad the youth of our time for their views.

You need to updateyour own views if you think all that differ with you deserve to be avoided, shunned, silenced and insulted, You're a fool and a bully, youre sole joy seems to be found in the insulting of others. You prize your own views, and feel others views are rediculous, this is a textbook definition of a ... bigot. and you also seem a cheovinist. why the hell wuold you suggest harlene be a social worker? thats rediculous and limiting. she can be whatever the fuck she wants. youre absolutely fucking full of yourself. you expect people to respect you and you need to fucking be surprised. youre a fucking fool and dont deserve a damn.

so just fucking buzz off. go to another place. dont bother us. we discuss because we want to. you silence because you want to fucking get a rise out of it, because you get some plaesure smashing heads in, and you fucking feel like a big man when youve got the spotlight on. but you know what? some shit is fucking sacred. and if you violate those spaces, you will fucking recieve retalliation. you cant denegrate the views of the masses just for your own pelasure. and people will change, whether you try your frantic jumping up and down or not. youve held my attention this long, but no longer. youre a waste of a minute.